Houdini – part 2

I’ve Never Heard of That Before

This is a phrase that gets used a lot with our dog. For example, the conversation goes like this:
Home Depot Guy – You can use this clip on the dog run.
Us – No, our dog can undo those.
Home Depot Guy – Then use a Caribeaner.
Us – No, he can unscrew them.
Home Depot Guy – Really!? I’ve Never Heard of That Before.
Or regarding the Indestructable Ball (which is advertised as both Lion-proof and Elephant-proof.)
Us – We’d like to return this. It didn’t work out.
PetCo Girl – Wow, we’ve never had an Indestructable Ball Come back before. What did this?
Us – Our dog. And you should check out the time on the receipt.
PetCo Girl – Holy $#it! You only bought it four hours ago!
Yes, not only had the outer layer of ball been scratched within an inch of it’s life, half the ball had been inverted into the other side. Indestructable, my foot.
Hercamer has eaten the siding off my father’s house (Thanks for letting us stay with you last summer!) He peeled and chewed one quarter of the side in five minutes. The neighbor yelled across the fence, “Hey, your dog is eating your house!”
Hercamer put serious teethmarks into a steel doorknob. Yup, you read that right, steel.
He scales any kind of fencing. Chain link is super-easy, he just sticks his feet in and climbs like a person until he levers himself over the top – piece of cake. I have no idea how he got over the 7-foot vinyl fence without leaving any marks. SuperDog? But I know he piled old wood and a piece of crate to make a ladder to get over the cinderblock fence.
He’s learned how to open every door in every house we’ve lived in. And he can open child proof locks on cabinet doors and drawers. Yeah, the kids got through those really quick, too – Did Hercamer teach them how? All in all, they were just a waste of money and a lot of frustration until I gave up and unscrewed the suckers.
Hercamer uses his toys (non round ones only) as doorstops. I guess turning the knob was just too pesky!
On the upside, he was very cautious about who got to go near his babies (our kids). There were a few times an unsavory sort would try to come near one of the kids or start a conversation. It was awesome to be able to shrug and say, “I’m sorry about the dog growling at you, but he doesn’t let anyone near the kids.” I never added, ‘anyone he doesn’t like’.
Most recently, Hercamer unscrewed the caribeaner on his dog run and went to check out the neighborhood right after we moved to Tennessee. (We do still use the caribeaners because they won’t keep him, but they do slow him down . . . a bit.) When we went to pick him up at the neigbor’s house, the nice man said, “The dog’s in the backyard. I put him up on the porch so he wouldn’t wander further away, but he jumped over the railing. I hope he’s not hurt. It is a second story porch.”
I looked up. The railing on the porch was just that – railing. So Hercamer could see through it; he knew exactly how far he was jumping. I said, “Oh, he’s done stuff like that before. Don’t worry about it.”
I didn’t add, “I’m just grateful he didn’t eat the siding off your house!”